Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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