We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
