no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
