If i come over, it means nothing
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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