You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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