i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This toilet bowl is my home.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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