May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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