Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
