Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize