Got a toothbrush?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i drank out of a bidet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize