4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
