I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
