The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
