Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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