My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
