I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
