And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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