tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
