Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
