Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
