Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you didnt know i had herpes?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
