I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
