wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
