Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
