I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
