Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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