He kissed a someone with a penis
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
