I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
