You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
