I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
