Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
