ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dear god my vagina.
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