we're chasing vodka with high fives
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
