True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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