Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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