I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
