if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
