smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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