don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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