I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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