New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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