Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
this is an emotional support booty call
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
