The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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