Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize