Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
