What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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