i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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