If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As shirtless as possible
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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