I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
