Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
