I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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