His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
