I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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