That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
