Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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