I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
