we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm going to jail i love you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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