you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
