420 ftw
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
