Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
