Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
