The maid of honor just puked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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