I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
