Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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