Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
