Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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