Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
