I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
