she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
