Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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