Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
