i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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