So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
